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06 September 2007 @ 09:32 am
I can't handle my new life  
Ack.  There would have been more than a handful of accidents this morning if my dad didn't get me to step on my brakes in time.  Ack, I feel terrible about myself..   But I mean.. I got my license couple of years back and hasn't really driven ever since.  When I'm with Mr. Bear, he has a car.. so he just took care of everything.   

For the past two weeks I've been driving myself to school.  I must say it has been the most stressful thing so far about relocating to IN.   It's an hour drive past a number of roads in the outskirt and then into downtown.  I must admit that I find roads at Indianapolis ridiculously confusing.  Unlike roads in Vancouver, many aren't interconnected.  In a lot of roads, if you missed an intersection, you have to take a totally different path.  And there are a lot of huge swirls, confusing intersections and unwarned merging lanes.   I don't know how to deal with it all, my rusty techniques, my lousy sense of direction, the road signs and my dad screaming beside me at the passenger seat.   

And my dad, hasn't changed a bit.   He wouldn't stop telling me what a terrible person I am and infer my mistakes in driving to everything else in my life.   I don't want to hear a bit of it, for most times I just ignore him, but when it comes to asking him for directions on which lane I should take or where I should turn, he's already so worked up he couldn't give a clear direction anymore, so I make a mistake and then I get another earful.   This morning I spent more time arguing with my dad in the car than watching out for road signs, so I missed a merging sign and almost got hit by the speeding car on my left.. 

I don't know what I should do.  Am I really a failure?  Mr. Bear says i am not, but I can't think of any contributions I have made to my family as of far.  I'm almost 24, I can't drive, I don't have a job.  I got into Grad School.  Big deal.  I don't even want to do Grad school.   I'm not really motivated about doing anything at the moment.  If I stayed in vancouver, would my life have been any different?  I don't know.
♥: Indiana
Mood: aggravatedaggravated